by Heather Martindale

Write It Down

I have gone to church my entire life, but it wasn’t until COVID that I started being able to recall prior weeks’ lessons the following Sunday or Wednesday.

No, it wasn’t some peculiar side effect of the virus, although the pandemic did present a unique opportunity to recreate the way I lived out my faith. Rather, it was the result of purchasing a journal at the end of 2019 in which I planned to keep track of my New Years resolutions.

It is with confidence that I can say the journal fulfilled it’s purpose, even if it didn’t occur in the manner I anticipated it to.

You see, I struggle with memory. While I know almost every lyric to the soundtrack of HAMILTON, my brain often fails to retain more valuable information. This information often being Bible lessons, and as I learned in school, anything regarding dates or science.

That is, unless I write it down.

I have now been writing every lesson or Bible study I do down for over a year and a half. In that year and a half, I have completed one entire multiple hundred page notebook and am currently on page 64 of the notebook I started on June 19. More important than the number of pages I have filled, is the change it has led to in my life.

Since I first started writing it down, I have made the decision to turn from the sins that once consumed my life, realized I have been putting myself at the center of my life and have started working towards correcting that so God is seated on the throne of my heart, and have taken responsibility for the success or failure of my faith.

And while there is nothing extraordinary about these journals – both came from Target – they are two of my most prized possessions. The first serves as a reference of how God has turned my life around and has set me on a new path.

The second, I carry with me for moments of solitude in which I can listen to faith based podcasts and lessons, or simply search the word for passages that encourage, challenge, or convict me and my current understanding of God and how I should be living out my faith.

So – While it took me 24 years to come to this realization and reap the benefits of writing it down- I want you to start reaping the benefits today.

Here’s what you’ll need:

1. A notebook you want to take everywhere. I recommend a hardback notebook for note taking wherever you find yourself diving into the word or catching a lesson. I love the look and feel of this one I got at Target! (https://www.target.com/p/wit-38-delight-lined-journal-pink-linen-note-to-self/-/A-78628484)

2. Something to write with. I personally can’t stop buying these pens from Walmart. (http://www.walmart.com/ip/Paper-Mate-InkJoy-Gel-Pens-Medium-Point-Black-4-Pack/49316870)

3. And as our Youth Group leader, Jeremy Myers would say, “An open heart, willing hands, and a submissive spirit.”

Pretty reasonable, right?

Stay encouraged Brothers and Sisters and never quit seeking the Lord.

To a better Us,

Heather Martindale

by Heather Martindale

Shame on a Monday Morning

It’s 6:30 a.m. on the fourth Monday of December 2020 and shame just hit me with the figurative force of a freight train. I am talking blindsided – Mid-aimless scroll through Instagram, stumbling across a post that reminded me of my most sin-filled days and being completely flooded with disgust for my failures.

As I am writing this, my heart is racing, my stomach is turning and I still haven’t managed to shake all of my anger, disappointment for the name I made for myself, and the heartache I feel for letting down my people, myself and my God.

Looking back on those times, I see two different versions of myself. They were separate and the same. The naivety of one led to the formation of the other which in turn began to influence the me I once knew.

I know it is easy to assume from an outsiders perspective that the versions we make of ourselves in early adulthood are entirely intentional and well formulated, but truthfully, the bad in me wasn’t formed in an act of rebellion or some intentional pursuit of an edgier life.

Rather, it was a byproduct of shooting aimlessly into the dark towards all the dreams I grew up dreaming – finding a husband and raising a family, having positive relationships with anyone and everyone I came in contact with and being in the know on all the latest trends and top charts.

I wanted to love, be loved and be able to relate to everyone I came in contact with.

Unfortunately, that all came with a price and that price was my peace, my faith, my boundaries, and my general well-being.

So here are a few words of caution and confirmation from an insider:

  1. Don’t sacrifice yourself in the process. Not in an attempt to relate to those you come in contact with, not in the pursuit of pleasing others, and I can’t emphasize this next one enough – especially not in your search for love.
  2. Let your no be no. Seriously. Don’t budge. I could explain this more but I think you will know which no’s really need defended.
  3. Be intentional in who you are. I still believe the ability to appeal to people in a way that is relevant to who they are is invaluable and think it is necessary at times to make inconsequential or positive changes in our lives to better serve our relationships. But first, you MUST be sure you know who you are, who you want to become and what boundaries need to be in place so that you are proud of the person your decisions form you to be.
  4. It’s okay to make people mad. Not everyone has your best interest at heart and because of that, not everyone should have access to you.
  5. It’s okay if they think you are failure. Don’t lose grasp of the reality that we are all human. While you may put a lot of stock in the opinions of others, they are no less human than you, thus no less capable of fallacy and failure.
  6. It’s okay to just not fit in. You don’t have to be okay with who they are at the end of the day, but you do have to be okay with who you are. Stand behind your convictions and preserve your peace of mind.

And finally, when shame strikes, step forward. Move in a positive direction with the lessons you learn from your stumbles in hand. We all have cobwebs that need dusted away, but take it from me, the bones are good and still hold the potential to house a beautiful life.

As you go into this new year, I hope you shake off your shame and step into the beautiful future that is yet to be imagined.

I love you, my friends and pray 2021 is a year of great intention and dedication to developing the you, you truly want to be.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

by Heather Martindale

The Power In Filling Your Own Shoes

I believe in me.

I have always known that as long as I didn’t get in the way of myself, I could leave a mark in this world – a kind of huge one, because I know what God sent me here to do. He gave me this big, bleeding heart that has always been soft and yet continues to prove to be the single most powerful and undeniably strong feature about who I am and have been called to be.

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It is undeniable, we are presented with opportunities to make a difference in this world every single day. Making a positive difference can be as simple as being intentional as you go through your day and even the big things can be simpler than you might think. This house took appx. 4 hours, some planks of wood, a little bit of tin and a handful of willing hearts to build and served as an answer to this family’s prayers, who in exchange, changed our lives with their story, faith and servant hearts. 

Living in a social media era, there have more than a bucket load of times that I have started to really reconsider what my path should be in life. I’d throw some idea out into the world, or share something I believed in with all of my heart, just to realize nobody was listening – so I began to reconsider. I have studied social profiles and examined myself to figure out what it is that makes me easy to overlook and have considered remodeling me, to mimic somebody else’s journey plenty of times.

I wanted to change.

But oh, how the world would have missed out if I did.

My journey, the one that has felt like a bunch of dead ends, has repeatedly opened new doors. There is no denying that staying true to myself has lost me relationships and kept others from growing, and yet I can’t convince myself that my life is worse because of it. I understand why, in a parable in Matthew, we hear of a Shepard who leaves his 99 sheep to save the one who wandered away – because even just one is worth it.

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I’m passionate about a lot of things, the one I speak on most often – the struggles curvy, thick, plus-sized people face. I’ve thought about losing a hundred pounds to wear brands that are currently unavailable to me and nearly jumped on about 15 different weight loss, work out/diet plan band wagons more times then I am willing to admit, but this is a really beautiful version of me that deserves to be seen. It is a battle worth fighting and a message worth sharing. A large part of my identity lies within my curves and it’s a story I don’t want to stop living. I’m going to keep sharing my story for the curvy girls who read these messages now and the ones to follow, for a more inclusive world – one with all the best clothes, an equal shot at love and adoration, and the right of being accurately represented in the world both digitally and physically.

If I could tell you anything when you face these moments, I would say somebody is always listening and they need the message you were sent to live. For that somebody – those somebodies – and for yourself, you can never stop. You can’t be anyone else but you, or atleast you shouldn’t be. You just can’t stand as tall, or walk quite as far, if you’re filling someone else’s shoes.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

 

 

 

by Heather Martindale

A Plus Size Perspective: Two major claims disputed.

It’s time we talk plus size fashion and the fashion industry. I have some claims to dispute. 

Below you will find claims made regarding plus size fashion and my disputes regarding these claims. If this isn’t something you can personally identify with, I would ask that you please don’t stop reading. It’s obvious our voices alone aren’t loud enough to be heard.

Claim #1: Plus size women prefer shopping online. If we saw that this group would show up and shop, we would make our plus-size lines available in-store. However, this simply isn’t the case.

After accepting my first career job offer last Wednesday (HALLE_STINKING_LUJAH) I started my search for some additions to my wardrobe. I went to Target, typically a decent spot to shop if you’re a curvy girl, or at least it appears to be – I will talk about that in one of my later disputes. After an unsuccessful search, I considered other in-store shopping options. I have a couple – Anthropolgie, Lane Bryant, and possibly Altar’d State. If you know much about these stores, they are in a different price range than Target, especially Anthropologie. While I say that, I also want to say a huge thank you to these stores for catering to curvy girls and especially local locations for actually carrying my size. Because I am currently on a tighter budget, I started to consider what options I had in a more Target-level price range. ASOS typically pops up a time or two on my plus-size influencer babe’s stories, so I thought I would start there. This reminded me that I had recently seen a lot of Chic Soul and Impressions ads on Facebook, so I decided to check them out as well.

These are the issues I faced.

Every single item I have ever had my eyes on at Impressions and Chic Soul were out of stock in my size. I don’t know how often this is a problem, but if it is anything like lines in-store, it seems to be that the need for our sizes are frequently underestimated. As for ASOS, an entirely e-store in all sizes, I found that they offered plus sizes not only in apparel but also in accessories, jewelry and shoes – a welcomed surprise. However, I still faced the same issue I have always faced with online shopping, you never truly know what size you are until you look in the mirror. So what do I think of this claim?

This claim is a cop-out. I know making our sizes available in-store is a change and change’s best friend is risk. I will say this though, this risk is worth taking and personally, one I believe the fashion industry should feel an obligation to make. I have grown up walking into stores over and over again, falling in love with pieces, just to search every rack to no avail. If money is what you wanted, I had it. Lucky for us is when we walk into a boutique, ask if they carry our size, and are shown a small rack of about 10 different pieces, more often than not, ones that don’t make a completed outfit. If you think we prefer shopping online, or have done research that shows we don’t shop in-stores, consider this. If you lived the life I just described, wouldn’t you too eventually stop checking in with stores to see if they had your size.

So here is my advice, make it clear that you now carry plus sizes. You have done a disservice to plus-size people for the past 20 years, maybe you deserve to do a little work to establish those relationships. But let me be clear, if all you have for us is one rack of our sizes available in clothing of far lower selection or quality than the rest of your store, reconsider before you pat yourself on the back.

As for the idea of us just preferring to shop online, what about when we get asked out on a date by the guy we have been crushing on for the past three months, or get the job we have been praying for? What do we do then? We deserve to be able to stop in a night or two before the big date or our first day and have faith that we can find something decent to do the job. As for try-ons, we shouldn’t always have to guess whether it is going to fit or not, just to have to return it and wait another week to get the right size. Nothing is more disappointing than being excited to finally get to wear the perfect outfit just to find out you now have to pay return shipping and try again.

Claim #2: Lot’s of stores are starting to carry plus sizes. 

Have you noticed that a lot of Target brands have extended sizes? It’s so exciting! That is, until you try them on. When I started seeing plus sizes dispersed across the clothing floor of Target I got real excited – like my life was about to change. Still to this day, I get a little giddy when I see 2x on a piece that catches my eye. In fact, just this past Saturday I grabbed about 15 pieces from a couple of those Target collections to try-on. I was so excited. In fact, I started to get a little concerned thinking I was going to try them on and fall in love with every piece just to have to widdle it down to only two or three items. Lucky for me, 2x translates properly to large in these brands.

My wallet was safe that day, but my self-image plummeted. This kind of misrepresentation and false hope is more then just misleading, it is wearing on women’s self-conscious. We wonder if we have put on weight, when in reality, it is just the inconsistency of sizing in the fashion industry and the false sense of inclusivity these brands praise themselves for.

This is a problem.

But I do want to say thank you.

Thank you to the brands that have been dedicated to making curvy girls feel beautiful for years and the stores that consistently carry our sizes locally. You make it possible for us to really show up on our first day and show out on our first date. Thank you for valuing our self-image and for making it possible for us to get an outfit on-demand. You are making waves in a beautiful direction.

As for the brands who are accepting unmerited praise and favor.

Do better. You can.

To a better us,

Heather Nicole Martindale

by Heather Martindale

When depression hits hard and fast.

I am going to be very real and very transparent about what depression is. There is part of me that keeps saying, don’t post this, you have a mixed crowd of people on your friends list now and need to be careful about what you post. But I believe sharing stuff like this could save a life and if this kind of stuff bothers anyone I sincerely apologize but I know that I need it and other people do too.

I am in it right now. Deep, deep in it. How do I know? I am skipping dinner and going to bed because I pulled a piece of yarn on the new sweater I bought and no matter how much I tug I can’t get it to go back. Small problem right?

For me, it feels massive.

No matter how much I tell myself it’s stupid and that this is just depression, I can’t break free of this “this is the end of the world” kind of feeling. Typing this is hard because I know some people need to hear every single detail but I also know there are people reading this judging my decision to share this on social media. But because I know there are people out there just like me who need to know they aren’t alone I’m going to share it all.

This thing that for some would be an annoying inconvenience dropped me to me knees crying and questioning why God couldn’t just give me a break.

I mean it had been a good afternoon. I got off work early, cleaned a little, hung some more decor, and then got myself to go to the grocery store. Since I live in the city now, I’m getting used to farther walks and carrying everything up three flights of stairs. I had prepared myself for this. I was taking in how beautiful it was that so many leaves had fallen you could barely see the ground in the center of the intersection. I had planned to write a blog post about the city life and the new experiences I am having. Like walking into the grocery store as a man screamed out in the parking lot, or in contrast how friendly the people in the grocery store were (not super common in walmart). I had planned to write about how I love this big house on the corner at the end of the block behind my apartment. How it is so perfectly halloween and how I wish my friends were here to enjoy this perfectly fall scene I now call home and take ALL the pictures.

And I guess I just did. I started this post crying, absolutely distraught. Now my mind is a little quieter. I don’t know if it works for everyone and I certainly know it doesn’t work for me 75% of the time. When these feelings hit, I try over and over again remind myself that this isn’t reality, this is depression striking. I try to tell myself that my brain is overreacting to what I am actually facing. I try to think of the good things that were happening before it hit and the good things that are to come. And tonight, I’m not back to good. But I’ve managed to calm down to indifferent. If you don’t have depression, I’m positive I sound crazy. If you do, maybe you can relate or maybe I’m still just crazy. But I know that I need to see that I am not alone sometimes and as afraid as I am that this is going to get negative feedback (maybe not in person, even just in people’s minds) I knew I needed this in order to pull myself back.

If you struggle with anxiety or depression, know that I pray for you and that you are not crazy for the way that you feel. You are brave for trying again everyday and for holding on when you want to let go. I love you all.

by Heather Martindale

If I could convince you.

If there is one thing I could tell you every day it would be that you are valuable.

I would tell you that the retail store mirrors that make you hate your body are reflecting an image that only you see. I would tell you that your beauty far surpasses any reflection and that your worth can not be found in a dressing room or a runway.

I would tell you that the way you feel defeated after work is not a determinant factor in your worth. I would tell you that you are far more than a job title or the evaluations that you get.

I would tell you that the things you hear when someone is upset or feels rejected by you is not a reflection of who you are but what their pain and anger creates within themselves. I would tell you that one bad moment does not overwrite all of the good you have done and cannot stop the person you have been working so hard to become.

I would tell you that just because life is hard right now, just because the bills keep pouring in and life keeps throwing curveballs your way does not mean that you are a failure. I would tell you that life comes in seasons you are valuable in all of them.

I would tell you that this world needs you in all stages and seasons of your life and you are always worthy and wanted.

God placed worth in you that no human, including yourself, can take away.

I love you all.

Because you matter,

Heather Martindale

by Heather Martindale

Get under the bed with the Boogy Man and he might not be so scary anymore.

As I have mentioned many times before on this blog, I appreciate people. In fact, my last post was about people. In particular, loving them. But today I want to talk about about a blessing you can bestow upon yourself if you are willing to accept a little bit of the unknown, and in some situations, the unusual.

I personally have never really been afraid of people. In fact the scarier or more “unusual” a person is, the more I am interested in understanding them. Because of this, my life has been unique and uniquely blessed. I have been lucky enough to learn first-hand about multiple different cultures through friendships with people who I had very little in common with upon first glance. I have got to experience authentic cuisines, culturally unique music, and seen the beautiful ways in which families and communities interact in these different cultures.

And for clarification, this post is not just about getting to know people of foreign cultures, but also people in your very own state or even community who live differently than you. I can tell you one thing: every town in Arkansas has it’s very own culture. Some of the most obvious to me through personal experience and stories include Eureka Springs, Prescott, Pine Bluff, and Fayetteville. If you have got to experience the cultures of each of these towns or have heard stories about them, chances are we could agree upon what we think that culture is. Personally, being from Northwest Arkansas I see a cultural difference in every city that comprises NWA and I’m sure you can say the same for the towns that surround you.

Just like you may feel a little unsure going to a town you’ve never been to before, the same may be experienced when really getting acquainted with people who are different from you.

But trust me on this one, the beauty of being surrounded by people who see the world from a different perspective then you is worth a little discomfort.

Some days you really may question why ya’ll are friends and some days your differences may cause you some pain but just because they live or think different then you doesn’t mean they are any less worthy or that their lifestyle is any less valuable. Every person serves a purpose and what better way to really see the world then through them.

So learn about the people who you can’t relate to. Listen to their stories and their philosophies. Experience their culture and remember that just because you wouldn’t personally choose to dress a certain way, listen to a certain kind of music or eat certain foods doesn’t mean you should take offense to it. Just because it isn’t the lifestyle for you doesn’t mean it isn’t a good lifestyle to live. If anything, consider them innovative and find joy in knowing that those things bring them happiness.

People, even the kind of intimidating ones, really aren’t that scary after all. Especially if you can get yourself to take a walk in their shoes or atleast try them on for a bit.

To a better us,

Heather Nicole Martindale

by Heather Martindale

Love always.

I really wish I was better in front of a camera. I have so much I want to talk to y’all about and I would love to not have to worry about punctuation and making it sound conversational but also semi-eloquent. BUT, I cry a lot when I record messages about things I am passionate about and I don’t think YouTube is really my platform so here we go.

The next few posts you are going to read if you keep up with my blog posts are going to be based on issues and ideas that have been on my mind  a lot here lately. *I am working on trying to find the positive angle on some of these issues before I share my thoughts with y’all because sometimes you learn lessons in life that don’t have a happy ending yet.*

Something that always has been and always will be on my heart is people. People of all races, ethnicities, walks of life, shapes, sizes, personalities and purposes. People matter more than anything in this world and I will stand behind that till the day I die.

And when I say people, I mean all people all the time. Even when you don’t like them. That’s right, even the people you can’t stand to spend five minutes in a room with. They serve a purpose. And yes, it may be different than the purpose you serve, and that may be hard to really grasp, but just because you don’t get them doesn’t mean they are any less valuable.

Likewise, you serve a purpose. I have always believed my one true purpose in life is to love people. I grew up on verses like:

1 John 4:7 (ESV)

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

John 13:34 (ESV)

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

And the passage that has had the strongest impact on how I love,

Luke 6:32-36 (ESV)

32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

God set the standard for what it is to love when He sent His son to die for people he knew wouldn’t fully appreciate how big of a sacrifice his death was.

Because of that, my love is not something you have to earn.

So I don’t reserve “I love you” for dedicated relationships and incredibly moving moments because love isn’t some super complicated commitment.

I love you means you matter.

It means I hope to see you be blessed by life and live it abundantly.

It means I believe God put you here for a reason and that’s enough for me.

I challenge you to start viewing love as something everyone is worthy of and to give it out freely. A word of caution though, really loving people means sometimes you have to give more then you get and you will be required to forgive often. But honey, loving everyone always is the most courageous thing you can do.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

P.s.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) tells us a little more about love:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The beginning of verse 8 says “love never fail” and that right there is all you need to know.

 

 

 

by Heather Martindale

It’s okay to have expectations.

Did you know a lovely life is obtainable? There is a job out there you will love, friends who will love you despite your quirks, a partner who will choose you every single day and a city that makes you want to call it home?

Last year I saw how detrimental it could be for one to settle, so I decided I will not. I know what I want from life and what I expect of myself.

Some of my expectations are as follows:

1. To, each night, be a better woman then the one I started the day as.

2. To not settle for man who lives without love in his heart and a good head on his shoulders.

3. To embrace my wonder and curiosity. I will explore museums, aquariums & zoos. Listen to orchestras and concerts and participate in karaoke contests. I will jump in the lake a midnight and freely lose my way on road trips.

4. And finally, to live and live with a purpose. (And oh how I hope you will too.) As hard as life may be, it is a blessing. And I sure don’t want to look back and know that I was capable of so much more.

What expectations are you setting for yourself and the life you are going to live?

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

by Heather Martindale

Be wise with who you hear.

Disclaimer: This post is not long but it says everything I want you to hear right now. I posted this on Instagram Wednesday as I battled with harsh words I had begun to believe. The perplexing thing about it was that the person who was reshaping the way I saw myself didn’t know me and I knew that what was said to me was not at all accurate. But no matter how false a statement is or how under-qualified a person is to make you believe anything about yourself, it’s not uncommon to find yourself internalizing the words that others speak to you.

These were the words I spoke to myself and these are the words that I speak to you today.

Only you know your heart.

Only you know all of the mistakes you make in a day.

Only you know all of the beautiful things you do.

Only you know all the brilliant thoughts that go through your mind.

Only you know the burdens you carry.

Only you know your purest moments just like only you know your darkest.

Only you can change who you are.

Sometimes criticism is constructive and necessary.

Sometimes it is anger driven and irrelevant.

Only you can judge what your heart holds onto.

Be wise with who you hear.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale