I am going to be very real and very transparent about what depression is. There is part of me that keeps saying, don’t post this, you have a mixed crowd of people on your friends list now and need to be careful about what you post. But I believe sharing stuff like this could save a life and if this kind of stuff bothers anyone I sincerely apologize but I know that I need it and other people do too.

I am in it right now. Deep, deep in it. How do I know? I am skipping dinner and going to bed because I pulled a piece of yarn on the new sweater I bought and no matter how much I tug I can’t get it to go back. Small problem right?

For me, it feels massive.

No matter how much I tell myself it’s stupid and that this is just depression, I can’t break free of this “this is the end of the world” kind of feeling. Typing this is hard because I know some people need to hear every single detail but I also know there are people reading this judging my decision to share this on social media. But because I know there are people out there just like me who need to know they aren’t alone I’m going to share it all.

This thing that for some would be an annoying inconvenience dropped me to me knees crying and questioning why God couldn’t just give me a break.

I mean it had been a good afternoon. I got off work early, cleaned a little, hung some more decor, and then got myself to go to the grocery store. Since I live in the city now, I’m getting used to farther walks and carrying everything up three flights of stairs. I had prepared myself for this. I was taking in how beautiful it was that so many leaves had fallen you could barely see the ground in the center of the intersection. I had planned to write a blog post about the city life and the new experiences I am having. Like walking into the grocery store as a man screamed out in the parking lot, or in contrast how friendly the people in the grocery store were (not super common in walmart). I had planned to write about how I love this big house on the corner at the end of the block behind my apartment. How it is so perfectly halloween and how I wish my friends were here to enjoy this perfectly fall scene I now call home and take ALL the pictures.

And I guess I just did. I started this post crying, absolutely distraught. Now my mind is a little quieter. I don’t know if it works for everyone and I certainly know it doesn’t work for me 75% of the time. When these feelings hit, I try over and over again remind myself that this isn’t reality, this is depression striking. I try to tell myself that my brain is overreacting to what I am actually facing. I try to think of the good things that were happening before it hit and the good things that are to come. And tonight, I’m not back to good. But I’ve managed to calm down to indifferent. If you don’t have depression, I’m positive I sound crazy. If you do, maybe you can relate or maybe I’m still just crazy. But I know that I need to see that I am not alone sometimes and as afraid as I am that this is going to get negative feedback (maybe not in person, even just in people’s minds) I knew I needed this in order to pull myself back.

If you struggle with anxiety or depression, know that I pray for you and that you are not crazy for the way that you feel. You are brave for trying again everyday and for holding on when you want to let go. I love you all.

If there is one thing I could tell you every day it would be that you are valuable.

I would tell you that the retail store mirrors that make you hate your body are reflecting an image that only you see. I would tell you that your beauty far surpasses any reflection and that your worth can not be found in a dressing room or a runway.

I would tell you that the way you feel defeated after work is not a determinant factor in your worth. I would tell you that you are far more than a job title or the evaluations that you get.

I would tell you that the things you hear when someone is upset or feels rejected by you is not a reflection of who you are but what their pain and anger creates within themselves. I would tell you that one bad moment does not overwrite all of the good you have done and cannot stop the person you have been working so hard to become.

I would tell you that just because life is hard right now, just because the bills keep pouring in and life keeps throwing curveballs your way does not mean that you are a failure. I would tell you that life comes in seasons you are valuable in all of them.

I would tell you that this world needs you in all stages and seasons of your life and you are always worthy and wanted.

God placed worth in you that no human, including yourself, can take away.

I love you all.

Because you matter,

Heather Martindale

As I have mentioned many times before on this blog, I appreciate people. In fact, my last post was about people. In particular, loving them. But today I want to talk about about a blessing you can bestow upon yourself if you are willing to accept a little bit of the unknown, and in some situations, the unusual.

I personally have never really been afraid of people. In fact the scarier or more “unusual” a person is, the more I am interested in understanding them. Because of this, my life has been unique and uniquely blessed. I have been lucky enough to learn first-hand about multiple different cultures through friendships with people who I had very little in common with upon first glance. I have got to experience authentic cuisines, culturally unique music, and seen the beautiful ways in which families and communities interact in these different cultures.

And for clarification, this post is not just about getting to know people of foreign cultures, but also people in your very own state or even community who live differently than you. I can tell you one thing: every town in Arkansas has it’s very own culture. Some of the most obvious to me through personal experience and stories include Eureka Springs, Prescott, Pine Bluff, and Fayetteville. If you have got to experience the cultures of each of these towns or have heard stories about them, chances are we could agree upon what we think that culture is. Personally, being from Northwest Arkansas I see a cultural difference in every city that comprises NWA and I’m sure you can say the same for the towns that surround you.

Just like you may feel a little unsure going to a town you’ve never been to before, the same may be experienced when really getting acquainted with people who are different from you.

But trust me on this one, the beauty of being surrounded by people who see the world from a different perspective then you is worth a little discomfort.

Some days you really may question why ya’ll are friends and some days your differences may cause you some pain but just because they live or think different then you doesn’t mean they are any less worthy or that their lifestyle is any less valuable. Every person serves a purpose and what better way to really see the world then through them.

So learn about the people who you can’t relate to. Listen to their stories and their philosophies. Experience their culture and remember that just because you wouldn’t personally choose to dress a certain way, listen to a certain kind of music or eat certain foods doesn’t mean you should take offense to it. Just because it isn’t the lifestyle for you doesn’t mean it isn’t a good lifestyle to live. If anything, consider them innovative and find joy in knowing that those things bring them happiness.

People, even the kind of intimidating ones, really aren’t that scary after all. Especially if you can get yourself to take a walk in their shoes or atleast try them on for a bit.

To a better us,

Heather Nicole Martindale

I really wish I was better in front of a camera. I have so much I want to talk to y’all about and I would love to not have to worry about punctuation and making it sound conversational but also semi-eloquent. BUT, I cry a lot when I record messages about things I am passionate about and I don’t think YouTube is really my platform so here we go.

The next few posts you are going to read if you keep up with my blog posts are going to be based on issues and ideas that have been on my mind  a lot here lately. *I am working on trying to find the positive angle on some of these issues before I share my thoughts with y’all because sometimes you learn lessons in life that don’t have a happy ending yet.*

Something that always has been and always will be on my heart is people. People of all races, ethnicities, walks of life, shapes, sizes, personalities and purposes. People matter more than anything in this world and I will stand behind that till the day I die.

And when I say people, I mean all people all the time. Even when you don’t like them. That’s right, even the people you can’t stand to spend five minutes in a room with. They serve a purpose. And yes, it may be different than the purpose you serve, and that may be hard to really grasp, but just because you don’t get them doesn’t mean they are any less valuable.

Likewise, you serve a purpose. I have always believed my one true purpose in life is to love people. I grew up on verses like:

1 John 4:7 (ESV)

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

John 13:34 (ESV)

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

And the passage that has had the strongest impact on how I love,

Luke 6:32-36 (ESV)

³² “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. ³⁵ But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. ³⁶ Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

God set the standard for what it is to love when He sent His son to die for people he knew wouldn’t fully appreciate how big of a sacrifice his death was.

Because of that, my love is not something you have to earn.

So I don’t reserve “I love you” for dedicated relationships and incredibly moving moments because love isn’t some super complicated commitment.

I love you means you matter.

It means I hope to see you be blessed by life and live it abundantly.

It means I believe God put you here for a reason and that’s enough for me.

I challenge you to start viewing love as something everyone is worthy of and to give it out freely. A word of caution though, really loving people means sometimes you have to give more then you get and you will be required to forgive often. But honey, loving everyone always is the most courageous thing you can do.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

P.s.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) tells us a little more about love:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The beginning of verse 8 says “love never fail” and that right there is all you need to know.

Did you know a lovely life is obtainable? There is a job out there you will love, friends who will love you despite your quirks, a partner who will choose you every single day and a city that makes you want to call it home?

Last year I saw how detrimental it could be for one to settle, so I decided I will not. I know what I want from life and what I expect of myself.

Some of my expectations are as follows:

1. To, each night, be a better woman then the one I started the day as.

2. To not settle for man who lives without love in his heart and a good head on his shoulders.

3. To embrace my wonder and curiosity. I will explore museums, aquariums & zoos. Listen to orchestras and concerts and participate in karaoke contests. I will jump in the lake a midnight and freely lose my way on road trips.

4. And finally, to live and live with a purpose. (And oh how I hope you will too.) As hard as life may be, it is a blessing. And I sure don’t want to look back and know that I was capable of so much more.

What expectations are you setting for yourself and the life you are going to live?

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

Disclaimer: This post is not long but it says everything I want you to hear right now. I posted this on Instagram Wednesday as I battled with harsh words I had begun to believe. The perplexing thing about it was that the person who was reshaping the way I saw myself didn’t know me and I knew that what was said to me was not at all accurate. But no matter how false a statement is or how under-qualified a person is to make you believe anything about yourself, it’s not uncommon to find yourself internalizing the words that others speak to you.

These were the words I spoke to myself and these are the words that I speak to you today.

Only you know your heart.

Only you know all of the mistakes you make in a day.

Only you know all of the beautiful things you do.

Only you know all the brilliant thoughts that go through your mind.

Only you know the burdens you carry.

Only you know your purest moments just like only you know your darkest.

Only you can change who you are.

Sometimes criticism is constructive and necessary.

Sometimes it is anger driven and irrelevant.

Only you can judge what your heart holds onto.

Be wise with who you hear.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

Man, am I surrounded by some talented people. And I bet if you looked around, you would see that you are too. For my followers who are in college, now is the time that most of your friends are going to start, or already are trying to figure out, how to make their passions profitable.

And if you are doubting them, you might want to reconsider. From time to time I assist an Instagram influencer who lives in Maumelle who has made a whole career off of her social media. She just dropped a line at Lane Bryant (#BCxLB) that you can now find all of the hottest plus size influencers rocking on their pages.

When I tell you she is successful, this lady is killing the game. Her name is Rochelle Johnson (@iambeauticurve). She currently has 217K followers and has found a way to make her career not only profitable, but an enjoyable and fulfilling adventure. I can promise you, that if her friends had not encouraged her and supported her when she decided to start this career, she would not be where she is today.

So when your friends decide to chase their dreams, shout them out on your page, like their posts, buy their products, and most importantly believe in them. Just imagine how you would flourish if all of your friends had your back when you decided to work towards becoming all that you ever dreamed of being.

Listed below are some of the crazy talented people I know who are working on making something of their passion.

For some insanely good designs and commission work:  @mlartco

For some encouragement and a cool t-shirt: @_happy_human

For some chill beats: @chordandjocks

For some natural beard oil: @tafahoil

For all your weave, hairstyling, and makeup needs: @_tonistyles

For some pretty impressive artwork and commissions: @lmn.arts

For event planning: @kaligayevents

For beauty reviews and tutorials: @lavishlyxloved

For photos (mainly NWA): @kristengrisham

An up and coming influencer and talented musician: @whoisndaba

For photography in Conway: @yannicknzin

For photography in Russellville: @riccilogan

Support your talented friends and drop their usernames in the comments below.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

Let me just start by saying one thing.

Seasonal Depression is real. 

The official name for seasonal depression is Seasonal Affective Disorder. The real kicker is its acronym (SAD). That’s how you really know this is legitimate. But on a serious note, the symptoms of SAD are serious and can change who you are for seasons at a time. It doesn’t help that the weather in Arkansas is so unpredictable that your emotions seem to be on a roller coaster.

Listed below are some of the symptoms of SAD as observed by the Mayo Clinic:

Signs and symptoms of SAD may include:

• Feeling depressed most of the day, nearly every day
• Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Having low energy
• Having problems with sleeping
• Experiencing changes in your appetite or weight
• Feeling sluggish or agitated
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty
• Having frequent thoughts of death or suicide

I am sharing this because I have recently recognized how affected I am by this. This past week I have been a totally different person then the one you would’ve met between mid-November and now. I feel like me again and if you are starting to feel like you again too, I am so happy for you.

For those of you who don’t struggle with this, please know that it is powerful and it is real. If you have friends that have been a little distant in these darker, colder months, you may want to give them another chance if they seem to be themselves again. It may have had nothing to do with you, or who they really are, and everything to do with the weather.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale