So I’m ACTUALLY the worst, but I am here to explain myself.

I have been sitting around working on projects and thinking about blogging all week and here I am, Sunday morning at 12:37 a.m. just now starting the blog post I should have had posted last Sunday, but let me explain.

I am a perfectionist. Not the kind that makes me super anal (not a word I normally use because I feel like it makes people cringe, but I can see it’s worth right now so I’m going to go ahead and use it, sorry) about everything but the kind that refuses to do anything if I’m not proud of it.

I wish people knew how much I actually think about doing something before I actually do it. Like honey, I haven’t forgot it. In fact I have been thinking about it since it was first assigned but I won’t start working until that light bulb moment happens.

But this post isn’t just about my procrastinating perfectionist tendencies, it’s about success and chasing it even when you don’t feel particularly inclined to be successful. Coming from a senior who dreams of moving off to a big(ger) city when I graduate, I need to be applying for jobs, yet I always read the qualifications and tell myself I am not the right one. That I am not qualified enough. That I don’t have enough experience. But let me tell you a little secret.

Most successful professionals never were “qualified”. But guess what? They showed up, and took their shot, and today someone calls them the boss because of it.

And here I am, at 12:48, with the post done that took me all week to finally get myself to sit down and write.

See what initiative can do. 😉

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

One thing you are going to learn about me if you haven’t already is that I try to be as transparent as possible. Here lately I have been struggling and apparently so has a large portion of our student body at UCA.

Last week in my social problems class, an elective in sociology, my professor mentioned that the number of students going to the counseling center has doubled since last semester. The first thing that came to my mind was what’s changed? Are classes harder? Is there a problem with the way UCA is approaching education? Or is it just that life is hard and people are finally reaching out for help?

This semester has, for the most part, been a peaceful semester. My major is finished, my friends are all healthy and safe (hallelujah), and my life is generally drama free (knock on wood). However, that was not the case last semester.

Last semester, life let me down. I know they say life’s not fair, and that is true for everyone, but last semester was one of the darkest seasons of my life. I’m not sharing this with you for pity. I’ve already made amends with life. However, I think this topic is worthy of discussing.

Last semester was dark and I stayed close to the edge. I had lost a close friend, experienced betrayals of my trust, repeatedly experienced the pain of believing a little too much in others and was drowning in my Capstone course and everything else school had to throw at me. There were very few days I made it through without a good cry and it seemed like I was leaning on my friends and family everyday just to make it.

I say all that to say this. In your dark seasons, let people in, whether that be a counselor, some of your closest friends, or maybe even just your parents. I tried the counseling center and as wonderful as they were, they weren’t my solution. However, I have many friends who benefit greatly from their counseling sessions and that is how they prefer to cope and heal. For me, friends and family were the answer.

I had friends that, knowing what I was going through, would step out of class to take my phone calls, come sit with me in my room at night and keep me company as I cried, listened to the stories I had to tell about my friend, and ultimately did everything they could in their power to bring their light into my life.

I know, that probably sounds like a lot for my friends to have handled and I certainly told myself I was being a burden many times. But, when you have friends as good as mine, they remind you that you are worthy of their time and that they want to love you through it.

So next time the storm comes rolling in and you feel like you just can’t handle it alone, I encourage you to pursue your healthiest and most effective path to comfort and safety.

I encourage you to schedule an appointment at the counseling center, reach out to your family, or even give your friends the opportunity to be your strength for a little while.

Who knows, their love might just weather your storm.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

The day you were born you were valuable. And still, along the way you tried new things. You set goals and ran towards them. You tried to make yourself “more valuable” with job titles, starting on your sports team, or finally snatching up that cutie you saw eying you all through high school.

And you made it, you became those things and slowly that title was where you began to place your worth. Everyone at work, and even people in your personal life, knew that you were a president at your company. They knew you were the one racking up the points on the scoreboard. And you practically couldn’t walk into a room without someone telling you that you and your boo thang were “relationship goals”.

But then, one day, it all came crashing down. Lay-offs happened, you got in some trouble and got kicked off the football team, and your boyfriend ran off to college and became a totally different person. And with one fail swoop, the power, the position, or the person you put all of your worth in was gone and all you were left with was yourself.

This is where I want to change the narrative. Where I want to set the story straight.

The most valuable thing that could remain is YOU.

Your value was never meant to lie in external things. Change is inevitable and through it all, you and God are all that will remain and honey, I can’t think of anything more valuable to be left with.

So love yourself. Listen to yourself. Invest in yourself.

And I beg of you, never lose yourself in pursuit of something or someone.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

College has taught me a lot of things, but the most challenging has been a lesson on people. As a child, I believed that relationships didn’t have to change and that good people always stuck around. But the truth is, with time, we change.

A good person doesn’t necessarily always stay good and the same can be said for those that get labeled as “bad”. One of my all time favorite songs is “Love Yourz” by J. Cole and although all of his lyrics are powerful my favorite line says “The good news is you came a long way. The bad news is you went the wrong way.” Inevitably, everyday we are changing. Someday we will each come to a fork in the road and we will have to choose which direction we are going. For most of us this will happen many times in our life.

This is where people’s paths change. Embrace this change. In my personal experience, this is where people start to come and go and this is where I have been blessed. Four years ago I was a different person, surrounded by different people. Along the way people have come in and out of my life, and thankfully, many wonderful friends have remained. And for all of it, I am thankful. Thankful for the lessons they have taught me, the joy they have brought me and the person they have shaped me to be.

Sweet friends, I challenge you to embrace the change and allow yourself to adopt the beautiful qualities you learn from each person.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

Sister, if you have anyone in your life right now who:

1. Requires much, but gives little.

2. Is the reason for your stress and anxiety.

3. Makes you question your self-worth.

4. Who you find yourself making excuses for to your friends after they have treated you poorly or lacked consideration for you and your feelings.

5. Who lays hands on you.

6. Who wants only a sexual relationship with you.

7. Who is holding you back from being who you have the potential to become.

8. Who you are only staying with because you are afraid of being alone.

Walk away. You are worthy of so much more and I promise you will find someone who loves you the way you want and deserve to be loved if you can just find the courage to step away from the “comfort” and into the beautiful unknown that awaits .

You will be okay. Because Honey, you are resilient and you are not alone. If you are finding the courage to walk away right now, I will walk beside you. You have a friend in me beautiful girl.

To a better us,

Heather Nicole Martindale

Disclaimer: I wrote this post with all my girlies in mind, however this post is not exclusively for women. This post is for anyone who finds this message resonating with them. Even if you don’t think this message is for you, I encourage you to read this and consider if there is someone in your life that you can help break free. 

 

This week we were assigned to watch a film for Digital Marketing titled “Generation Like” in which they discussed the idea of selling out. The Urban Dictionary defines a sell out as “A human being who abandons their convictions to impress people and or become more popular.”

This video came not only at a great time for my first blog post, but for the stage of life I am currently in.

You see, this blog isn’t about becoming who the world wants you to be, but the person you were placed on this earth to be. The one who will shine bright by fully embracing all of the things that make you exactly who you are.

As you go through life you are going to face criticism and while some of it may be  constructive, a large majority of it will come from people who know very little about you and have no real, good intentions for you.

In this world, no matter what you are, you will be criticized for it. You will be criticized whether you love big or you tend to push people away. You will be criticized for making the Dean’s list or for falling behind in classes. You will criticized for being too tall, skinny, curvy, short. You will be criticized for who you born as and who you have become but please hear me when I say this:

You were not made to conform.

Your best you isn’t going to be found in the words of your bullies, the criticism of your cruel boss, or any of the hateful things you hear on social media. Your best you is someone you will find when you search yourself, breaking free of all of the bad habits and harmful thoughts that hold you back from fully embracing the beautiful you that lies just beneath the surface.

The worst thing you can do on this journey to a better is you is to let go of who you were meant to be in pursuit of pleasing people who don’t even know themselves.

As you begin, or simply continue your path to a better you, listen to that little voice inside that attempts to remind you of who you are. Not the devil on your shoulder, but the angel. The one that screams that you are beautiful/handsome, capable and oh so very valuable.

You were made to shine honey and only you know how you were meant to do that.

To a better us,

Heather Martindale

P.s. If your little voice inside isn’t an encouragement to you, let me be that for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out whether that be through my contact page or by Instagram (theheathermartindale), I would love to cheer you on along your journey.